Since I can remember, fat loss has been my main goal as far as fitness. Of course by fat loss I meant, natural LEAN FULL DENSE muscle, with little to no fat on top of it. During my first training years, I supposed dieting hard, daily cardio and weight training was the winning combination to achieve my goal. Without any doubt is an individual quest, but gaining muscles while shredding fat is a utopia. Your body wasn't programmed to do two OPPOSITE things, imagine doing them at ONCE. Yes, because muscle-building is an anabolic process, fat loss is a catabolic one. What CAN be done is a change in body composition: when muscles are "created", they will start to burn more calories even at rest, and so they will "eat up" some fat too, but not ALL of it.
I always had a hard time gaining muscle and once I was gaining some, the idea of seeing myself "bigger" scared me, I didn't like having a fat layer on top of my newly born muscles, so what did I do? Went hard on cardio and cut calories, and lost almost all my gains (with the fat). So it's always been a cycle of gain and loss... I never gave my body enough time to grow and get solid, mature. Like if I was a peach tree, I was collecting the peaches when they were still unripe! I was eager to strip the fat and show definition, when the raw material (muscle mass) was barely there.
This is me thru the years, notice the patterns: some muscles some fat, little muscle little definition, some muscle some fat, little muscle little definition...
This last year, after months of tremendous training and dieting, I reached a new stage of my life. The biggest adjustments I made were cutting the cardio to ONCE a week (after about 5-6 years of doing it almost every day), and embraced a less paranoid approach to food (not fearing complex carbs and fat or eating out). I wanted to get out of the gain/loss cycle and focus on a real full GROWTH, with no comebacks. I decided I didn't want to spend every morning on treadmill, I wanted to train in a more functional way and do what I LIKED most, which in the end is weight training, pole dancing and stretching. I gave all myself to those 3.
I loved being lean and shredded, but my body couldn't handle extreme diet without getting catabolic unless I have my day completely planned with meals, rest and training, but that wasn't working with all I wanted to do. Pole dancing itself requires enormous endurance and strength. Flexibility training for 90 min is a lot of resistance too. And weight lifting on top of it? I'm sorry, fat loss wasn't more important than all these things. So I accepted to have SOME fat on me... Yes, can't believe I'm saying that, but honestly now I feel my training is channeled in a more productive way. I also feel more feminine and why not, sexy. I remember seeing some brazilian fitness girls the other day at an even here in Vegas. They had an amazing figure. Tall, beautiful curves, athletic but still sexy. I wasn't checking if they had six pack, believe me... Couldn't care less. Their WHOLE figure was just breathtaking.
So I'm glad to be at this stage now. We women get too obsessed with fat I believe... There should be room for more. U should focus on fat loss if you're overweight. Or if you're gonna compete. But to have it as your goal in life... I don't know, I think you're missing something out ;) Give your body more to aim for than plain fat loss.